The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Director: Chris Weitz
Year: 2009
Rating: **

I know, I know.  I saw this.  Lay off.  It gets worse -- I kind of enjoyed it.  There are parts that are undeniably fun -- this series is the epitome of the Guilty Pleasure.  There are, however, lots of things that are wrong with this franchise and particular film... so let's chat.

On the one hand, there's lots of action and adventure with lots of attractive people and angst.  On the other, I'm still left wondering what kind of life a 17-year-old girl can lead in "mysterious" Forks, Washington that could possibly require protection from not only an entire family of vampires, but also a whole pack of werewolves.  It strikes me that Bella Swan is not really anything special or worth going to such extremes for.  She has a sort of perpetual sneer that doesn't suit... well... anyone, even Kristen Stewart. 

Lots of this movie involves racing through the woods and running through the rain, just to find out that your neighbor is, in fact, not human.  However, I thought an interesting twist was for the Volturi to discover that Bella is (spoiler!) impervious to all of their vampiric abilities, and I hope there will be more exploration of that.  Frankly, it was refreshing to find that Bella is, in fact, capable of anything.  She can't even drive her own truck, apparently, and completely loses her entire sense of self when Edward ditches her after the first 10 minutes.  That does not an impressed MFB make.  Get with it, girl!

Actually, this leads me to the question of their relationship as a whole -- at one point she apologizes to Taylor Hotner's character for bleeding.  Strike anyone else as vaguely abusive that she has learned to apologize to her boyfriend for things that aren't remotely her fault and over which she has no control?  Also, these boys have the ability to know where she is at all times and show up unannounced in the same place as she -- and she loves it!  In daylight terms, this is known as stalking... But I digress. 

As I was saying, I'm hard pressed to imagine why exactly she's so devasted by Edward's absence.  They never have any fun!  They seem to spend most of their time saving each other from imminent danger and lamenting the fact that they're so cursed by their love -- they can't even bang, for chrissake, because Stephanie Meyer is ridiculously Mormon.  Bella's best friend Jessica (Anna Kendrick) is the only remotely believable teenager, and her role was sadly limited in this sequel, to my dismay -- her one-liners are some of the best in the franchise.

That said, Robert Pattinson is ridiculously attractive.  And he has chest hair and isn't afraid to show it, unlike many Hollywood leading men... Although, I admit his dreaminess factor took a bit of a hit next to Taylor (who is 12 and hasn't grown it yet), who is so hot it should be illegal (oh wait... it is).  Despite the elusive reason for Bella's appeal, these two do a convincing job of pining for her, aided by the relatively-decent special effects and suitably angsty soundtrack.  As I said, it's a guilty pleasure, and for all the absolutely ridiculous moments described above, I still kinda enjoyed it.   Sue me.